‘Seinfeld’ Solutions — Date Won’t Return Your Calls [Or Texts]

It happens often in a budding relationship. You give the person a call or shoot them a text only to get nothing in response for hours, sometimes days. Why won't they respond? "Seinfeld" has a solution for that.

One never can tell exactly what the other is feeling after a first or second date. I know I'm generally left wondering if she likes me as a friend or something more. I struggle more with crossing the line, especially if she doesn't call or return my texts.

I could always do the "Swingers" approach and wait three days to call her and make her sweat if she sends me a text by not responding right away. It's part of the dating game and also one of the most nerve-wracking.

There are two approaches to calling a woman: The pathetic cry for help that wreaks of being desperate or the cool, calm suave approach where you call once and let it go. Who needs her if she doesn't respond anyway, plenty of fish in the sea?

I bet more guys than are willing to admit have done what's done in the video below, however. Full scene contains strong language (view here).

We've all been there, right? We look back on it a week later and think of how foolish we are. That scene is just painful to watch, as a man, and as a human being. Look, if you call and call and call, the woman is generally going to think you are crazy and clingy -- two giant red flags.

Call or text once and end it. That's it. If she wants to talk to you, she will. If she sees 10 calls and 50 texts, guess who lost another date? YOU!

"Seinfeld" has a solution for if you've already crossed that line and called or texted 100 times, but it's a little dated. I'd like to modify it.

In "The Phone Message" George leaves several increasingly irate phone calls on a woman's answering machine, not realizing that she was on vacation.

And as George gets more irate he comes up with the great solution -- switch out her answering machine tape (remember those?)! So he schemes with Jerry to meet her at her apartment as soon as she gets back from her trip. Then, George will distract her long enough for Jerry to switch out the tape.

This is great, in theory, however, in the age of cell phones and text messages, it doesn't quite work. So I suggest this: If you  happen to get annoyed with someone not returning your calls, you don't have to go to such lengths.

Wait a day, call one more time and make your message so over the top, so hilarious (pre-write it,even) that the person has to think it's a joke. That may at least save you; it did George.

But then again, none of George's relationships ultimately work out and if you're backtracking over irate or pathetic messages, chances are this one won't either.