The Truth About Working From Home With Cats

Due to the weather, I chose to avoid the slippery roads and work from home. I was a fully remote worker for three years before coming to Townsquare Media, so this isn't new territory for me. Neither is the behavior of the three chunky, lazy apex predators that also live with me, and think that working from home means dad is there to serve their overlord needs.

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You'd think having a miniature lion or panther to keep you company would be an idyllic prospect. You'd be as dead wrong as the wayward deer mice that wander into our old farmhouse seeking shelter and food from time to time. Their mousing skills are grand, if I catch them hunting, I narrate like I'm David Attenborough. Great job, boys!

But that doesn't make up for their behavior when I'm trying to get work done. I'd be better off hiring a petulant toddler for the day to stomp through my home office begging for things. Animal people all have that one pet, our once in a lifetime creature that we measure all others against. For me, it's a little black cat named Lucy.

Lucy is my ride or die buddy. We've been together through multi-state moves, different jobs, and life events. He had half his tail amputated after an accident with a door, and suffers from cat anxiety. He's also a big jerk. I'm pretty sure he's descended from African desert cats, he seeks out heat wherever he can get it. The minute I turn my back, he's splayed out on my laptop keyboard, absorbing warmth and writing nonsense code all over the computer. Just today, he ambushed me through a dining room chair while overstimulated. I can't win with this fool. His picture is below. Looks so sweet and innocent, doesn't he?

They must have caught wind of my smack talk. They now have me surrounded, ogling me like a pride of lions waiting on a wildebeest to make a wrong move, licking their chops. Perhaps they're plotting my demise.

If you don't hear from me within 24 hours, call the president. I might need an extraction team for what's left. Godspeed.